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You’re Doing Everything Right, So Why Don't You Feel Better?

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You’re Doing Everything Right, So Why Don't You Feel Better?

If I know you, I bet you’re doing all the things: meditating, journaling, getting your daily movement in—and yet, deep down, it still feels like you’re not doing enough. Self-love might feel like it’s perpetually out of reach, no matter how many loving-kindness meditations you try or how many self-help books you read. 

Some days, it might seem like you’re making progress. On those days when you check all the boxes—meditation, movement, nourishing meals—you may even feel like you truly love yourself. But what about the days when life happens? The days you miss your workout or skip your journaling session? Does your ability to be kind to yourself depend on how much self-care you manage to squeeze in? 

This tug-of-war between doing and being is exhausting—and there’s a reason for it. The answer lies in your nervous system. 

Understanding Your Nervous System 

Think of your nervous system as a freeway with countless exits. Each exit connects to a part of your body—your respiratory system, endocrine system, and so on. This freeway carries vital signals and messages that keep your body functioning. 

Now imagine a traffic jam on the freeway. Maybe it’s a minor delay, like a car pulled over or a multi-car pileup. These “traffic jams” represent the stressors your nervous system encounters every day—work stress, family dynamics, unresolved emotional wounds, childhood trauma, and more. It’s easy to see how your nervous system can become overwhelmed as it tries to navigate this load. 

To manage the overwhelm, many of us turn to tools like meditation, breathwork, or exercise. These are management strategies—adaptations we’ve developed to cope with the emotional and physical demands on our nervous system. While these tools can be incredibly helpful, they often don’t address the root cause of the overwhelm. 

Why Self-Care Alone Might Not Be Enough 

Even the best self-care practices might not fully resolve the feeling of “not enough.” From a somatic perspective, it all comes back to your body’s stress response cycle.  

When your body perceives a threat, it activates the fight-or-flight response—an instinctual reaction designed to help you survive. Animals in the wild follow a natural cycle to complete this stress response. For instance, imagine a rabbit grazing in a field. It hears a branch snap, spots a coyote, and bolts into the nearest hiding spot. Once safe, the rabbit shakes off the adrenaline, rests, and resumes its day. 

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Humans, on the other hand, often interrupt this cycle. Instead of releasing the built-up stress, we move from one stressor to the next without pause, leaving our nervous systems stuck in a loop of fight-or-flight. 

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Our bodies, in their wisdom, know that unresolved energy needs to move. So, we turn to practices like breathwork, cold plunges, or workouts to mimic the release we need. These techniques can provide temporary relief, but they don’t always address the deeper issue. They create manufactured discharges, forcing our nervous system to release tension without allowing it the safety or capacity to process fully. 

This is why missing a meditation session or skipping a workout can leave you feeling completely off. You’re not addressing the underlying physiological needs of your nervous system; you’re managing the symptoms. 

Moving Beyond Management 

Let me be clear: meditation, exercise, and therapy are incredible tools. If they’re helping you, that’s fantastic! But if you find yourself feeling like everything falls apart when you miss a day or two of your routine, it’s time to dig deeper. 

Here are two key takeaways for you: 

  1. You’re doing the best you can with the tools you have. Give yourself credit for showing up for yourself in whatever way you can. 
  1. Start small by noticing your activation. When you feel overwhelmed, pause and orient yourself to the present moment. Try naming three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three things you can touch. This simple exercise of 3-3-3 can gently bring you back to safety in your body and signal to your body that the saber-toothed tiger is not in the room with you. <3  

Remember, healing isn’t linear, and it takes time. Your body and nervous system are resilient and capable of incredible transformation when given the space and support they need. 

You’re on the right path. Keep going—you’ve got this.  

Learn from 95+ of the world’s leading holistic health, coaching, and business experts in the Institute for Integrative Nutrition’s comprehensive Health Coach Training Program. Discover how to nourish your body and mind, on and off the plate, and how to empower others to do the same as a Certified Health Coach. Enroll now.

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